I was able to share a little bit of my testimony today with someone and it really had me thankful for all that God has brought me through. I also thought I would love to share that part of my testimony with you and to let you know that reaching out to people when they are going through a hard time is important.
When I lost my dad, I went through a really dark depressed time. I thought that it was my fault the reason my dad was gone so as you can imagine, I hurt. This happen before we were really back in church, it was also when COVID was at the peak of its turmoil. So when my dad passed, we wanted to do a memorial for him. They would not let us do a visitation due to him having COVID when he died. It was my sister, my mom, and myself. We wanted to wait to get his ashes back before we planned a memorial so we could still have him there. We did not have any help planning this memorial, we did it all and let me tell you it is hard to mourn someone when you are also making sure everything goes accordingly.
We reached out to all the people we knew to come and do a “last ride” for my dad as he loved to ride motorcycles. Well, none of his friends showed up for that part. I had one friend show up that knew my dad and that was it. The rest was family and one couple who was friends of my parents and they knew me since I was a child. None of my “friends” that I had hung out with came and only 2 of my in laws came.
I cried every night after my dad passed, I would cry in my car, I thought over and over again about how I just did not want to be here anymore. When someone one would smile at me in passing and ask how I was doing, I would put a fake smile on and say I was “ok.” My husband knew I was not and he encouraged me to ask my doctor about depression medication (remember this was our pre Jesus days). So I did and the medication made me feel just a little better. Mind you, the whole time I felt this way everyday I would hear “maybe you should go to church this Sunday.” I would think to myself that I should, but when Sunday would roll around…I made an excuse not to go. But one Sunday something came over me and I had my butt in that church and it made me feel a little better. The third Sunday I was there, one of the elders was preaching about pride and asking “do you walk around saying you are ok when you aren’t because that is pride.” Man let me tell you Holy Spirit showed up for me that day! At the end of the service, they had an alter call and before I knew it I was out of my chair standing by a lady from church explaining to her how I had been feeling and why. Then she prayed over me. When I tell you I felt a rush of the Holy Spirit, it was a rush! I turned around and walked to get my things, walked out the front door, stood on the porch, and smiled the biggest genuine smile. I felt so different, better than I have ever felt and better than I have felt since my dad passed. I went home and got rid of my depression medication and never took them again after that.
Fast forward to recently, I was talking to one of my friends that did not show up for me. I told her what I was going through when my dad passed, (again this was a Holy Spirit thing because I do not even now how this subject came about). My husband even confirmed it and told her that I did not want to do anything during that time. Then I hear her say that “you did not seem like yourself.” And I am not throwing any shame towards her at all, I do not know if she was going through her own thing and I ask myself was I there for her when I should have been? I only share this to let you all know that it is important to reach out to your friends and family who are going through it and don’t seem like themselves. I 100% know that if I had my church community now back then, my situation would never have gotten as bad as it did. They would have noticed something was off and asked me. They would have known when I was not truthful and pulled the truth out of me. They would have prayed over me and made sure I was walking in the light and not in the darkness. My community consist of younger adults, older adults, and married couples with like minds. They have seen me cry, they have spoken life into me, they have been blunt, given me scripture to ready, pulled me out of my comfort zone, and pushed me to be better. That is what community does!
Please know that you are never alone in this world. If you need someone or need to learn how to find your community, reach out. I would love to help you, to be that person to speak life into you and pray with you.
Father God, I pray for all those lost souls walking this earth Lord. I pray for those that are so deep in depression that they are thinking of ways to leave this world. Lord I pray for those that think there is no way out and that they have no one here. Lord, would you be their beacon of hope, their light out of the darkness, and their happiness. May they see you, may they hear you, may they feel you Lord. Would you show up and show off in their life like you did mine. Would you reach down your mighty hand to pull them out of depths of despair. Lord, I know you are the way, the truth, and the life and the only way to eternal happiness in heaven and here on earth is through you. I pray that if the person reading this don’t have anyone that Father God you bring the right person in their path that you can speak through to get to them. Lord I know you will make a way as you are the miracle worker. Father God I just pray this all in Jesus name, Amen.
My Protector 